The 'actual' retreat - Suan Mokkh

Okay, I am a huge procrastinator.  Most of you (that know me), already know this.  How many months have I been home since returning from Asia? Actually, let's not talk about that...


I guess I am FINALLY writing about the actual retreat because a) I promised that I would, and b) I've had to do a lot of thinking about what I've gotten out of it and how I'm currently applying its teachings to my life.


Today I went on a date (I know, this is such a tangent) and we were talking about my experience at the Suan Mokkh.  As a procrastinator, I have to admit that I haven't been meditating as often as I feel I should be meditating.  Why is that? Why did I force myself to complete such a hard task, and stick it out to the end, if I'm not going to try to benefit from it going forward?  These are questions that I've started to ask myself.


In my last post I described the actual physical conditions of the retreat.  We were all exposed to the aescethic lifestyle which Buddhadasa Bhikkhu espoused: concrete cells, two meals per day, dedicated practice to meditation and Buddhist teachings.  However, as much as I joked that the conditions made Canadian prison (not that I've experienced it first handed mind you...) look like a Hilton, they weren't what tested me.  It was the physical practice that was hard.


Meditating - whether for 20 minutes for 15 hours - is hard.  There's no way around it.  Our minds are programmed to wander, to jump from thought to thought.  In my case this included a whole symphony of berating thoughts - 'why are you doing this? You are such an idiot! You can't even quiet your mind for 2 minutes! By the way, your legs look fat'.  I suck at meditating.  When I wasn't struggling to stay awake I was desperately trying to quiet my mind.  It was excruciatingly difficult.  I think for every 15 hours a day of meditation, I got maybe an hour - max - in of actual meditation.


When we all got together on the final night to share our experiences there were a few people in our group who discussed reaching some sort of blissful plane.  One French guy even spoke about orgasming while meditating (TMI?).  Over the course of the 10 days I was lucky to find a fleeting moment of peace and internal quiet.  Maybe I haven't been great about keeping up with my practice since finding anything rewarding about it seems so difficult.  Then again, if you're looking for some sort of reward you're doing it wrong.  So they say...


Since I said I would discuss the actual retreat, here is the schedule from the monastery website with my notes.  *For anyone wanting to attend, just show up at the monastery on the 1st of the month.  No advanced sign up option is available. 

DAILY SCHEDULE

(With some modifications on Day 9 and Day 10)

04.00  ***	Wake up                               *** = Monastery bell (HS: They used an old bomb shell as the bell.  No matter how deep of sleep you are in, this bell will wake you up and force you out of bed.  If you still refuse to get up, someone will come by and knock on your door until you get up)
04.30	Morning Reading (HS: It is still pitch black outside at this point.  A participant sits at the front with just a small light to illuminate their reading material.  If you are like me, you are struggling not to fall asleep, especially since no one can see you anyway)
04.45	Sitting meditation (HS: Everyone is instructed to 'follow the breath'.  Still struggling to stay awake)
05.15	Yoga / Exercise - Mindfulness in motion (HS: We all slowly drag our sleepy bodies to the meditation hall [another concrete building with a floor, ceiling and no walls].  It is still pitch black outside.  We all flop on our straw mats and attempt to get in a few seconds of sleep before our yoga practice begins)
07.00  ***	Dhamma talk & Sitting meditation (HS: At least at this point I am a bit more awake.  The sun is now rising)
08.00	Breakfast & Chores  (HS: This is probably in red because meal time is a definite highlight of the day.  We stood in line and scooped brown rice porridge, fresh greens, and fruit into our steel 'dog food' bowls).  I have to admit I went a little nuts with my food portions.  Our final meal of the day is at 12:30, with the next proper meal at 8:00 am the next day, so I wanted to make sure I wouldn't go hungry). Chores - anything from cleaning toilets to sweeping to mopping the floors.  I usually swept the floors of the yoga hall.  Afterward I would go back to my concrete cell to grab a few zzz's). BREAK TIME

10.00  ***	Dhamma talk (HS: When Tan Ajan [head monk] spoke I would usually fall asleep.  It always made me feel guilty.  I'm sorry Tan Ajan!!!)
11.00	Walking or standing meditation (HS: Finally an opportunity to stretch my legs.  In Thailand, it is considered rude to point your feet at someone.  This meant that very few positions were available in which to sit.  You could sit cross-legged, in lotus position, with your feet tucked underneath you.  You could not point them forward in front of you.  By mid-day by knees were killing me).
11.45  ***	Sitting meditation (HS: More sitting.  More 'following the breath').
12.30	Lunch & chores (HS: Second and final full meal.  I really loaded up my dog bowl at mid-day.  The food was actually really delicious and consisted of brown rice, some sort of vegetarian curry, fresh field greens, fruit and some 'nasty' Thai dessert.  I'm sorry, I hate durian). BREAK TIME!!!! Back to the concrete cell to catch a few more zzz's.
14.30  ***	Meditation instruction & Sitting meditation (HS: Meditation instruction: 'Don't be so hard on yourself.  Just follow the breath').
15.30	Walking or standing meditation (HS: More time to stretch the legs.  I usually walked around the beautiful pond or sat on the edge looking at the water.  Walking meditation consists of mindfully focusing on each step you take and the sensations associated with it).
16.15  ***	Sitting meditation
17.00  ***	Chanting & Loving Kindness meditation (HS: I actually really enjoyed the chanting. We all sat around and repeated each line after Monk Medhi went through it.  It was a relaxing and peaceful musical experience).
18.00	Tea & hot springs (HS: Unfortunately, I couldn't indulge in the hot springs because of my countless mosquito bites which I had picked into sores.  [Sorry for the bad mental image.  They were itchy!].  We were warned that the pond was filled with bacteria which would infect cuts or open wounds.  One girl had a pretty nasty sight to see after a few days of not listening to the nun's advice. In the dining room we were offered weak tea (caffeine was a big no no) and hot chocolate. Boy, was that hot cocoa good!  Not 'meal replacement' worthy, but pretty close. After the hot cocoa I would usually have a tummy ache, so I would head back to my cell for a few minutes to lay down.  LOL.  Alternatively, I would head over to the communal (female) bathing area where we all gathered around a huge receptacle of room temperature/cold water and bathe ourselves.  That's right folks, no showers).
19.30  ***	Sitting meditation (HS: Starting to get dark)
20.00	Group walking meditation (HS: It's dark.  Don't worry about stepping on a scorpion.  Getting stung won't kill you...it's just enough 'to make a fisherman cry').
20.30  ***	Sitting meditation
21.00  ***	Bedtime (the gates will be closed at 21.15) (HS: Don't forget to check your room for creepy crawlies.  If you find a visitor you are not allowed to kill it.  They are the host and you are the guest.  Take it outside. In my case, this meant having to find an ingenious way to get a scorpion out of my bed).
21.30  ***	LIGHTS OUT (HS: Goodnight Marvin [resident cockroach].  See you in a few hours!)