I survived!!!! A description of the accommodations (and Marvin's introduction)

I survived. It amazes me even to think about it... but, I made it through to the 11th day, said goodbye to all my fellow survivors and waved so long to the ascetic lifestyle (forever). There is absolutely zero chance that I will shave my head and call a monastry home. Absolutely none.

My adventure began on the night of July 29th. I had to get from one end of the country to the other. This included a ride on a bus which had the temperature of a freezer (brr), and a looooooooong train ride next to a sick and fussy child. All a lesson in patience. At least that's what I told myself as I attempted to remain calm and centered. Also a reminder that I never want to have children.

The way the meditation retreat at Suan Mokkh works is that there is no advance registration. You just show up the day before the retreat begins. Because I am a worrier I decided to stay the night before registration at the main monastry. This was my first taste of what was to come.

Although I had my own private room, it was the equivalent of a jail cell. In fact, I'm pretty sure that jail cells (at least in Canada) are more comfortable. This one was made entirely of concrete, save for a wooden plank for a bed, a wooden door and an iron barred window. There were cobwebs, complete with 'friendly' residents, all over the walls. For decoration and ventilation ther were small holes all along the space separating the walls from the ceiling. Of course this trellis design allows all sorts of criters to pop in for a friendly hello. My first night there was a giant gecko on the wall. It was really somewhere between a gecko and an iguana. I swept up the lizzard poo on the ground, muttered "Whatever", and climbed into my mosquito-net encased sleeping area.

The next morning we woke up at 5:30 am to get ready and head over to the International Retreat grounds to register for the 10 day silent retreat. Registration began at 7am and I had an irrational fear that if I waited to register then all the spots would be taken and my 20 hour journey would be for nothing.

If I thought the living accommodations were rough at the main monastry, then the International Retreat grounds were even more basic. Canadian jails were beginning to look pretty damn luxurious at this point. Instead of a wooden plank for a bed, we were given ones made of poured concrete. Luckily, these were covered with a piece of thin cardboard and a straw mat. Since I was there early, I was able to grab one of the few foam pads available to protect my bones from lying right on top of the hard concrete. In addition to the straw mat, we were given a fleece blanket (fleece? In Southern Thailand?), a mosquito net and a wooden pillow. That's right, we slept on blocks of wood (you can see a picture in my last post). It was amazing how the monks kept extorting the virtues of the wooden pillow. It became a huge joke among all the participants by the end of the retreat.

Not much else was provided in the room - it was a concrete cell with a slab of concrete hovering over the concrete floor with a flimsy wire suspended from two walls which could be used to hang clothes. There was a wooden door, an iron barred window (with no screen), and even larger 'ventilation/decoration' holes lining the top of the four walls. I was greeted by a few spiders that looked like relatives of turantulas, but generally it was cleaner than my previous night's accommodations. Oh well. I once again shrugged, dropped by bags and went to go join the others in their walk around the grounds.

I have to say the retreat was tough, but I learned the most about myself in that tiny little cell. Over the course of the 11 nights I encountered countless spiders, geckos, a scorpion (EEK!), and Marvin the cockroach. Marvin visited me every morning at 4am, without fail. Often I would wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and Marvin would be less than a foot from my head, just separated by the flimsy mosquito net. Lovely.

I hate cockroaches. Really. I can handle spiders. I can handle wasps (which I also encountered), I can handle geckos that screetch in the middle of the night. But I HATE cockroaches. Well, I had to get over that pretty quickly. Because Marvin was the greeting committee and I wasn't allowed to kill him (assuming I could even catch him). At Suan Mokkh, one of the principles we had to abide by was that we weren't allowed to harm any living being. That meant that if you found a scorpion in your bed, you had to transport it (with 'loving kindness') to the forest outside of the dorms. So, I had to quickly make peace with Marvin. Oh, how lovely it was to wake up and find Marvin running around on my concrete slab. I just prayed that there was only one lonely Marvin and not a large group of Marvins out of sight.

Looking back though, Marvin did teach me a lot. Once I made peace with the cockroach and gave him a name and background story, it became a bit easier. Just one big joke. I was the only one with the cockroach greeting committee. I didn't even have any food in my room! So, Marvin taught how to engage in deep breathing when my pulse was racing.
We only got 6 hours of sleep per night (10pm to 4am), so I couldn't really afford to contemplate the likelihood of whether he (and others) could climb under the mosquito net and join me in bed. Especially when sleep was such a precious commodity.
After my 11 days in that cell I know that should I lose everything, I am capable of surviving in a concrete cell with cockroaches as roommates. I could handle it. I could even laugh about it (during daylight hours that is). So, here's to me. I didn't quit. I didn't cry (okay, maybe once), and I SURVIVED!
Wow, this is one long rant. I thought I should post something though before I leave Asia.... I'll try to write about the actual retreat later.